Women Speak: Motherhood

Motherhood is like...

"Sitting on the edge of the most beautiful cliff in the world, taking in the view, feeling the joy... but then realizing there is a really steep drop just below and unsure of how steep it is, what is below, and whether I can maintain the balance..."

"The start of a summer morning--the promise of warmth and joy as I look forward, but yet the slight chill and shock of air as I learn how to be a new mom..."

"Constantly moving from one place to another, picking up pieces, chasing,... always looking, moving, and desperately wanting to stop."

I asked some of my mama friends, including some women that I have never met, if they would be willing to share their feelings and experiences with me. The quotes above are some of the descriptions to my question, "what is a metaphor for how you feel as a mama?"

Here are some of the other responses that these women shared with me...

What adjectives describe how you feel about yourself, or your life, right now?
*Happy, *content, *busy, *lonely, *frustrated, *confused, frazzled, challenged, proud, stuck, up and down, loving, impatient, hard-working, striving, meaningful, changed, lucky, excited, amazed, overjoyed, joyous, vulnerable, scared, confident, guilt-ridden, incompetent, frazzled, frustrated, despondent, elated, thankful, optimistic, dazed, conflicted, bored, exhausted, longing. * Most commonly reported.

What choices are you currently struggling with?
The most common responses were about the balance of motherhood with a career, how a career fits in, and choices around being with/growing their families vs. seeking employment outside the home. Confidence with self (as mother and outside the home) was another common theme, i.e. sourcing confidence, building confidence, being more confident. Other themes included taking time for self, asking for help, dealing with in-laws, furthering education, defining motherhood role, nurturing relationships, letting go, and parenting decisions/strategies.

What do you want most for yourself right now?
More time for self, greater balance, increased confidence, more joy and being "in the moment" (less guilt and questioning), and a greater purpose/contribution outside of motherhood were among the top of the list. Other wants included family routine/structure, consistency, find next career opportunity, less guilt, connection with other mamas/women, time for self, sense of moving forward, expansion outside home, appreciation, happy child, good marriage, better body image, more energy, inner satisfaction.

I won't share the ratings of satisfaction in each area. Why? Because we mamas already make enough comparisons and judgments that there is no point in measuring our happiness with others! Agreed?! However, I will say that, overall, "role as mama" was ranked the highest. (Perhaps that is because that is where we seek the most guidance and/or focus our attention) And, support system and career were among the lowest, with relationships close behind. Personal growth was in the middle. Motherhood, it seems, is its on own path to personal growth.

In sum, we need each other. We need to rally around each other and to not forget to ask each other how we are, outside of our roles as mama. We need to see the dreams-on-hold in each other, and help call those forth. To notice the permissions that we desperately want to give ourselves, and give that to each other. Yes, go out for a walk even if it costs $15 for that babysitter - you need it!

I still welcome other responses. I will use these to further develop programs in support of mamas. In the meantime, we ought to all get together and celebrate being a mama, and all of the good work we do every day!