Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tuesday Morning

To do:

7 - 9 am - Play with Amelia
9 am - Shower, confirm dinner plans tomorrow with dirty girl scouts, upload new photos, post blogs, plan Friday apple-picking/farm outing
10 am - Babysitter arrives; Coaching call
11 am - 1369 Coffee Shop to do business planning/marketing
12 pm - yoga? more work??
What's on your agenda this fine Tuesday morning??

Monday, September 29, 2008

Recipe #11

Tonight's dinner: Slow Cooked Tex Mex Chicken and Beans from Martha Stewart online.

Verdict: Delicious & simple. My husband's comments, "Yum. Spicy. Reminds me of a burrito!", and he doesn't even like cilantro (my favorite spice). Thought I'd share it with all of you slow-cooker fans. For the record, its new recipe #11/25 of my personal challenge. Oh, and I took the "do not open lid" seriously. It took all of my restraint not to check on it throughout the day, or give it a stir. It turned out perfectly, though, so I recommend heeding that advice. If you try it, let me know what you think!

1 cup dried pinto beans, rinsed
1 jar (11 ounces) mild or medium salsa (1 1/2 cups)
2 tablespoons chopped canned chipotle chiles, in adobo sauce
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs (about 8)
Coarse salt and ground pepper
1 medium red onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper (ribs and seeds removed), chopped
1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream, for serving
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro, for serving

Directions
In a 5- to 6-quart slow cooker, stir together beans, salsa, chiles, flour, and 1 cup water. Season chicken with salt and pepper; arrange on top of bean mixture. Scatter onion and bell pepper on top of chicken.
Cover and cook on low heat for 8 hours. (Do not open lid or stir.)
Remove chicken from stew; shred into large pieces and return to stew. Serve topped with sour cream and cilantro.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Amelia Insists...


My daughter is challenging me these days. We woke up this morning and all was well, until I put her down to prepare her breakfast of oatmeal, apples and bananas. She was at my feet within moments, climbing up my legs, fussing. This has been a pattern as of late.

So, I stopped what I was doing, carried her to the couch, hugged her to me, whispered "I love you", and took out a book. And then I attempted to resume my breakfast making...

I believe that its related to a night-waking habit, which leaves her without truly restful sleep. Perhaps she is in a developmental stage of sorts, where she only has eyes for mama. Or maybe she wants me to do something, and can't yet communicate that.

No matter the cause, she is telling me something. She is challenging me, as all great loves do, to be more present, more attentive, more loving. To put away the theories on child development, sleep, etc. and to tune into her. What is she, my child, needing right now? What is she wanting to communicate?

I must confess that I've become busy. When she is awake and playing with her toys, I will slip away to do dishes, check my e-mail, etc. And, soon enough, she is at my feet, asking to be picked up. I pick her up; She quickly points her tiny finger up in the air and makes a puppy-like whine, which is the signal for her favorite game. Show me, Mama. Point out the trees, the dogs, the flowers, the world... Tell me their names. Whisper in my ear. Engage me.

She wakes up this way. Ready to take on the world, my Amelia. As soon as she is in my arms, she points her finger forward. Like a rocket ready to take off.

Our bond is precious to me, and thus I am resisting the urge to let her fuss and teach her to wait, or whatever the lesson would be. No. Instead, she is my teacher right now. She is insisting that I attend to her, and I am intent on tuning in.

Now that I think of it, Joe has been asking the same of me lately. However, children have a way of insisting for what they need. And thank goodness for that. They awaken us.

Speaking of which, Amelia is waking up now and beginning to insist that I come get her. And show her the world. Atleast for today.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Museum Visit #1: Harriet Beecher Stowe House

If you read the title, and wanted to pass on this one, I will assume that you are not a museum person. Nor am I. It brings back memories of hot summers and complete boredom. My dad is a Civil War fanatic and, as such, he took all five of us kids to Gettysburg for a vacation. I can not fully express how dreadful that vacation was for me. We spent a full day touring battlefields in our cramped van with a private tour guide. I believe that I slept through it. And there were wax museums, weapon displays, cemetaries and more.

I typically do not enjoy museums. For me, museums can feel stuffy and are filled with artifacts without the sensory contexts. Its a bit like seeing a photo of the ocean vs. being at the ocean. I like to dip my feet in, sniff the air, and be there. Books do that for me more than museums, which is why I like to read historical fiction.

I've been to many museums in my travels, especially overseas, and only two truly stand out to me: the JFK Library where I saw Jackie O's clothing collection (come on... you would flip, too!) and Churchill's old war world II bunker. (Ok, I must add one more. I did thoroughly enjoy seeing the Statue of David in Florence. Joe likes to say that I wandered around to his back side, and stood there a bit too long. Again, you would, too...)

I will, however, share one museum that I simply can not wait to visit: Anne Frank's House in Amsterdam. I am wholeheartedly hoping that Joe and I are able to pull off an Amsterdam/Germany quick tour in November. I am fascinated with the 40's and the WW II era. Hence my appreciation of Churchill's hideout.

You may wonder then why I included 3 museums on my personal challenge list. To see, go here. It started off with one, Anne Frank's, and then I began to wonder what else was at my fingertips, figuratively speaking. Do I have to travel all the way to Amsterdam to be awed? Have I closed my mind to something that might actually interest me, after all?

My aunt-in-law, Dawn, happens to be the currator of the Stowe Center. After I accepted my challenge, I e-mailed her to see if a visit to CT were possible. She was delighted, and gave me a private tour this past weekend. I was more excited to see Dawn than the museum, truth be told.
I knew little about Harriet, Ms. Stowe, whatever you want to call her, except that she wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin. Maybe it was Dawn's passion and abundance of knowledge, but I left my 1 hour tour feeling quite enthralled with this woman. I discovered that she was a powerful reformer. She used her own personal grief to relate to and illuminate more worldly issues. She affected change by offering the possibility of a better way through her works of fiction. Non-challenging, non-threatening, and yet effective.

What I wouldn't do to have tea with some of the "greats" out there (tea feels appropriate for the likes of Ms. Stowe). Greats that have passed, and greats that are still alive, like Maya Angelou. Progressive, passionate, creative women who are brave enough to question, to reveal, to lead. What would I ask them? Hmmm. What is your secret pleasure??? And we'd go from there...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Queen of the Mess

Mess-maker, mess-maker, bake me a mess!

Exhibit #1. (Look closely).
No matter what I bake, or cook, there is a hearty mess involved. Truth be told, I am a hopeless mess maker. My mom nicknamed me "little miss pits" when I was little. I'm not sure exactly where it came from, but I've been messy for as long as anyone, including my mom, can remember.

I come by it honestly. There is hardly a dinner with my mom where we don't end up laughing at each other. One of us is often wearing bits of our food, or has left the kitchen temporarily a grand ole mess.

And, if you should know, I'm a hopeless mess when it comes to feeding Amelia. "Aren't you going to put a bib on her??" my friends ask me. "Why bother. We end up washing her clothes anyways." And then they see what I mean. Hopeless, I tell you.

If you were to come over my house, you would typically find it clean. But it takes quite an effort. I like things to be clean and organized, despite my messy way. As such, I have spent a great portion of my life making a mess, cleaning my mess, making a mess, cleaning my mess. And now add a baby to the mix. Oy vey!

I used to feel inadequate compared to neat & tidy people, or friends who just always seemed "together" in all visible ways. But I've come to see the gift in the mess. You see, I'm one of those people who becomes deeply engrossed in whatever I am doing. And I mean deeply. To the point that I can not even hear someone calling my name (as they stand next to me) when I am really focusing on what I am doing. This means a few things:

1.) Whoever/whatever I am attending to becomes the recipient of my undivided attention;
2.) I am able to enter a world of intense creativity, experimentation, play and connection; and
3.) I do not multi-task well.

Hence exhibit #1. Recipe#4 in my personal adventure challenge was a crockpot chocolate cake. My vision was to make it into a football cake for Joe. I had a few other things going on (like dinner) and, well, let's just say that it wasn't my best work.

Oh well. It happens (a lot).

(Note: it tasted incredibly yummy! I even shared it with my neighbors and asked them to excuse the presentation...)


Friday, September 19, 2008

The Perfect Day

Today is the perfect day. It is cool, breezy, sunny and oh-so-fresh outside. I began my morning curled up with Amelia on the sofa, reading books. This is unusual for my on-my-go daughter. However, she was up a lot last night; She woke up fussy and clingy. Only books, and being near me, would do.

Thankfully, I got into bed at 7:05 pm last night. Yes, you read that correctly. At 6:40 pm, I was dressed in yoga gear, eating my peanut butter and banana on wheat, talking with Joe. 20 more minutes to kill, I thought, before my hot yoga class. And I am so sleepy. I could just go to bed right now, I declared. And my eyes lit up. I really could. Joe tried to convince me to stick it out and go to yoga. I did the math. That means I'd be in bed no earlier than 9:30 pm. I have plans tomorrow evening, and then I'm driving to Wmass with Amelia for the weekend. That was it. Seize the moment! I hopped up the stairs, made myself a lavendar bath, and prepared for sleep. By 7:05, I lay my heavy body down. By the time Amelia first awoke at 10pm, it felt like 2am. Well done, Erin. Good choice. Even though our night was interrupted too many times to count, my body still rested for 12 hours.

As Amelia and I snuggled under the blanket on the sofa at 7 am, I began to feel a swell of excitment for the coming season. There are few things that I love more than crisp fall days, and beginning them in my pjs curled up with my two joes: my husband and a cup of coffee! Now, I get the added bonus of Amelia. What, I ask, is better than the sweet smell of a baby, your baby, in the morning?? Nothing.

We dressed for our day. Amelia in her new, adorable matching sweater and hat from Grandma and new jeans from Daddy, and me in my old velour J. Lo sweats. Time for one of us to go shopping.

Off we went. To the local coffee shop where I had my first hot chai tea of the season. Oooooh. Another favorite of mine. We walked to the Whole Foods Market, a daily stop, and picked up some fresh sweet potato, yellow squash, frozen peas, and popcorn kernels. The first three for Amelia and the latter for Joe, since Mama is going out tonight!

I pointed out the pumpkins to Amelia and stared longingly at the abundant mums. I will buy myself a couple this weekend in western Mass. This weekend marks the start of the fall for me. A visit to the old Deerfield fair, pumpkin patches, and the best year-round farmer's market. An annual tradition that I share with my mom.

As we walked home, and I declared today the perfect day.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Inspired Motherhood

I am on a very important mission. What, you ask? Ok, I'll share it with you.

To truly know, celebrate, and invite others into the joy of motherhood. I believe that motherhood is beautiful, inspiring, delightful, purposeful, fulfilling... if you deem it so.

Consider this. Being a mother allows us to step into the land of creativity. We invent the structures for our children, we engage them in games, learning and play, we get messy, we make it up as we go.

Day 1 with Amelia: I sat on the couch with Joe, and said something of the sort, "Seriously, how can they leave us with a newborn and expect us to know what we don't know?!" (This, by the way, coming from the couple who checked themselves out of the hospital 12 hours after Amelia's birth because we wanted to be home. I planned a homebirth and was intent on recovering, and discovering her, in our home.)

It is the greatest challenge and the greatest blessing of motherhood - this concept that we create our own structure, we design what motherhood looks like for us.

And here is where we get hung up, right? We scour books, try to decipher society's messages, ask our doctors what we should do. We get really hung up on getting it right, being perfect (or figuring out what that even means), and being seen as a competent mother.

There is apparently a book called The Feminine Mistake out there. I have not yet read it. I am a feminist. I believe in the progressiveness of women's rights. But, I believe the feminine mistake is foresaking our hearts, giving power to outside forces (whether it is blindly following parenting philosophies or creating rules that become our mazes), and losing ourselves rather than finding ourselves in motherhood.

I will not pretend that motherhood is always easy or enchanting. And yet, I know from experience that an ordinary day can be beautiful and purposeful, rather than exhausting and confusing, when we shift our focus and take care of ourselves.

That is my personal mission. To know the power that lies within myself, and other women, to create, to enjoy, to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary. And to be responsible for ourselves, our gifts, and our longings along the way.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Did I Tell You?


On my 19th birthday, my mom gave me a little book called "Did I Tell You?" by Elizabeth Knapp. I was so moved by the words in this book, and every so often open it up and read it through again. Each time, I am touched. Now that I have a daughter, these words are even more significant, more beautiful. I want to share some of it with you. She wrote it apparently as she pondered these questions with friends as their almost grown children went off on their own...

"For all who have wondered... Did I tell you?

Did I tell you to love, not with a fairweather love, but with a love that accepts and cherishes unconditionally. Love not with a quick and passing love, but with a love that is a quiet peace within your heart.

Did I tell you to be thoughtful. Not to be a martyr or doormat to be trod upon, but to be aware of other people and their needs. To meet others with awareness and within your own framework be able to meet them halfway and on occasion go the other half joyfully.

Did I tell you to be bold. To be not afraid of the unknown, but to live life to the fullest and meet each new experience with joy and anticipation.

And did I tell you be cautious. To temper your daring and sense of adventure with good judgment and consideration.

Did I tell you to serve other people if only in a small way. There is growth and satisfaction in being part of something larger than yourself and your life will be richer for knowing this.

And did I tell you the joy and challenge of being a woman. The joy of having a child, knowing and sharing a new life. The joy of making a home...the center but not the limit of for the lives of those you love. The joy of exploring a third dimension...a world of your own, discovering and fulfilling your own capabilities.

Did I tell you these things as we went along the way? If I did I am humbly grateful. If I did not then you must choose them for yourself. If it has meaning accept it and make it your own. If it does not discard it. Your life is yours to build as you choose.

And did I tell you... I hope it will be a good life."

Even now, as I read these words (and there are more in the book), it brings tears to my tired (teething nights) eyes. What will I teach Amelia along the way??? Did I tell you... I hope it will be good.

Hunger & Fullness

Let's talk this morning about hunger and fullness. I imagine that you, too, know women who use food to stuff their emotions, whether it be pain or joy; Or, perhaps you know women who deprive themselves by counting every calorie, not allowing themselves to fill up that beautiful belly (and life?) of theirs.

Me? I often find myself reaching into the fridge, on autopilot, when I am at the peak of creativity, or feeling unable to solve a problem.

What are we, women, really hungry for??? What is the fullness that we seek, or avoid, but none-the-less crave? Why do we often reach for "belly-fullness", when really we want soul-fullness.

What does soul-fullness look like? Here is what I hunger for:

I hunger for connection with God, and a sense of mystery and synergy in the universe;
I hunger for love, for whole-hearted, I-see-you, love;
I hunger for joy - delighting in being alive and this (extra)ordinary day;
I hunger to create. To express myself through my imagination, my hands, & my ability to make something ordinary into something magical.
I hunger to share my experiences as a mother. For those super-market moments of "I've been there, too; Isn't it (exhausting/wonderful/fill-in-the-blank)?"
I hunger to fulfill my purpose. To help women create joy, express themselves, design their lives, illuminate what matters, to be and give their best and to surrender.
I hunger to feel alive and strong and powerful in my body. To challenge it and to appreciate it.
I hunger to know myself. To really know myself. And, consequently, to express myself.
Lastly, for now, I hunger for rest and peace of mind. To know that whatever happens, I'll handle it. To know the difference between what really matters, and what only momentarily matters.

And so, yesterday, as I devoured a handful of white chocolate chips, I realized that I was really hungry to express myself in that moment. I was working on a workshop and struggling to describe it. Only, I didn't really tune into my hunger. I was on auto-pilot.

And, so, today I vow to listen to my hunger. To differentiate between hunger to fill my supple belly, and true hunger.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Why I love my husband...

I am inspired today to share with you some of the reasons that I love my husband, Joe. It is a rainy Sunday, and we are coming down off of a busy weekend, which we shared with my sister-in-law, Teri. Teri took the train from Philly to be with us, and was a stellar saleswoman in our annual yard sale. (Our yard sale is a clearing out ritual for us.)
Ah, so deep breath as I relax into the beginning of a new week (why do they call it the week-end??) and listen to Amelia playing in her crib upstairs and Joe laughing at the Saturday Night Live spoof skit about Hillary and Sarah Palin. And this is why I love my Joe...
He has these deep, beautiful blue (oft greenish) eyes that penetrate my being. When he really wants my attention, he gently puts his hands on both cheeks, moves his face to close to mine, and stares into my eyes before posing his question... "what do you need from me today, love?", or "what do you need to take care of yourself?", or "what do you want for dinner?" Just now, as I typed that last question, Joe came over and put his chin on the top of my laptop screen, smiled, and asked me, "whatcha doin', honey? Blogging?" So sweet.
Over the very best burger EVER (Mr. Bartley's in Harvard Square) yesterday, I shared with Teri that I am filled with love for Joe when I watch him explain something to someone. You see, this gentleness comes over him, and he breaks down his knowledge, insight or perspective into small bits and then lovingly feeds them to his listener. His knowledge, his giving of knowledge, is nourishment.
My sister once commented that he is one of those incredibly intelligent persons, who you would never know is so intelligent. It's a complement, really. He is down-to-earth. He has social awareness, as Teri put it. He has a sweet heart, as I put it.
This morning, after coffee and breakfast, we proceeded on separate errands. He to the hectic Babies-R-Us with Amelia for some safety gates, and I to the local Whole Foods for some groceries. "Did you remember to buy water?" he asked me as he entered the kitchen. "Yes, of course." I replied. "You are the best." He responded. I smiled. "No, really, Erin. You are the best." he said again, softly, and looking into my eyes. And my smile got bigger. "Thank you, Joe." It seems the feeling is mutual then.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Yoga & Re-birth

I began my adventure this week with two hot yoga classes; It was my first time back in three years. I remember now why I loved it back then. It is a perfect balance of strength and effort and surrender. The teacher began the first class by asking us to create an intention to hold for the next 75 minutes. I set mine as "kindness". I am competitor, a striver, and, at times, a bull in a china shop. And so my practice was to allow myself to rest or modify when I needed to, and to allow that to be ok. Our teacher reminded us to be grateful to ourselves for showing up, to listen to our bodies, and to give ourselves permission to rest. A novel idea. Giving ourselves permission to rest; to cease striving; to be, without needing to be more, to be further along, to be able to do what s/he is doing. Ahhhhh. How yoga doth teach us...
And, although it's only one week into my challenge, I must admit that I feel a swell of energy and enthusiasm for these next four months. I want to do all of those things, and, if you will notice, there is not a single "resolution" on there, i.e. "eliminate caffeine", "lose 10 pounds", "double my client base". Rather, this is a rebirth of sorts for me. A way to re-engage in my life as a 30-something woman who also happens to be a mama now.
I was pregnant with Amelia for 9 months before she was born. She is now 9 months old. Perhaps I've been pregnant with the next iteration of my life, holding the mystery of how to include it all. It reminds me of the Chinese symbol, the yin and the yang. The birth of Amelia, and the re-birth of her mama.
On the yoga mat, I am reminded that there is a flow and a balance; a time to rest and a time to strive. And to appreciate ourselves for showing up.

Monday, September 1, 2008

My Personal Adventure Challenge

Adventure - An exciting or very unusual experience; Participation in exciting undertakings; A bold, usually risky undertaking; an undertaking of uncertain outcome.

So, here goes. Let me begin by saying that I accidentally deleted a very lengthy post that took quite a bit of time. Starting over is hard to do, pardon the lyrics. It reminds me that starting over, starting a new chapter, is at the heart of this blog post.

I will also add that, as a coach, I challenge women to 'get out there' and practice showing up in whatever area they want to expand. It is simple, and yet it is rarely easy. We feel comfortable and safe as things are (or so we believe), until we arrive at a place where we simply must risk the unknown, the scary, the stretch; or we catch a delicious glimpse of what could be and we are hungry.

For me, both are true right now. Feeling particularly exhausted this past Saturday afternoon, my husband suggested that I go for a bike ride. I started to make some excuse, and then, within moments, said "yes!" and ran downstairs to dust off my bike, shoes and helmet. It has been two years perhaps since I've been on that bike. I was out the door in a heartbeat, without a clue as to where I was headed, and found myself delighted as I rode through Back Bay, along the Charles River, over the bridge, and back into the charming city we call home. Ooooh. It was exactly what I needed. Fresh air, freedom, adventure, feeling alive.

And so last night, energized after the Red Sox game, but longingly wishing that we had gone without Amelia (I watched one inning of the game), I lay in bed restless. Ideas and desires were racing through my mind. I decided to get up, go downstairs and write them all down. Once they were out of my head, I would be able to rest. And it worked (eventually).

When I woke up this morning, I had a long list of what has now become My 4 month Personal Adventure Challenge. I am sharing it with you as a way to hold myself accountable to following through on it. Each of these challenges is meaningful to me in some way. Let's just say that baking an apple pie from scratch completely intimidates me. I am not one for precision, and so my baking ? often go array. And yet I secretly wonder, "can I do that??" every time I see someone else's apple pie creation.

Its the culmination of these challenges that I believe will propel me in the direction that I intend to go. I chose those that will energize me, delight me, or connect me to sources of nourishment. While some are more playful than others, most seem like a (gulp) big challenge. Taking time for myself in and of itself is a challenge these days with a 9 month old and a relatively new business. And I pulled a muscle just getting onto the soccer field this summer, which was the end of any running attempts.

So, here goes.... (drum roll please...) Remember, the challenge is doing all of this within 4 months, starting now!!!

1. Climb to the top of a local mountain/large 'hill'
2. Travel to Germany.
3. Run a road race.
4. Log 20 hours of hot power yoga.
5. Bake an applie pie from scratch.
6. Row the Charles River.
7. Host a coctail/holiday party.
8. Reunite with a long-lost friend.
9. Attend 3 stimulating events, like book-readings, speaking engagements, etc.
10. Visit 3 museums that will enlighten or entertain me.
11. Make a home-made, meaningful gift for someone special, who will least expect it.
12. Make a bold change to my physical appearance.
13. Cook 25 new, delicious & nourishing recipes (the apple pie counts as one!).
14. Do something to help the local homeless people that I see daily.
15. Get a custom jean fitting in Philadelphia (Charlie's, I believe).
16. Go to a swanky NYC restaurant for coctails.
17. Find a way to help support my presidential candidate's campaign.
18. Surprise Joe. (Shhhh... he's reading this)
19. Plan 5 pampering, indulgent, wonderful experiences for myself.
20. Organize a gourmet picnic.

And here I go...