I am inspired today to share with you some of the reasons that I love my husband, Joe. It is a rainy Sunday, and we are coming down off of a busy weekend, which we shared with my sister-in-law, Teri. Teri took the train from Philly to be with us, and was a stellar saleswoman in our annual yard sale. (Our yard sale is a clearing out ritual for us.)
Ah, so deep breath as I relax into the beginning of a new week (why do they call it the week-end??) and listen to Amelia playing in her crib upstairs and Joe laughing at the Saturday Night Live spoof skit about Hillary and Sarah Palin. And this is why I love my Joe...
He has these deep, beautiful blue (oft greenish) eyes that penetrate my being. When he really wants my attention, he gently puts his hands on both cheeks, moves his face to close to mine, and stares into my eyes before posing his question... "what do you need from me today, love?", or "what do you need to take care of yourself?", or "what do you want for dinner?" Just now, as I typed that last question, Joe came over and put his chin on the top of my laptop screen, smiled, and asked me, "whatcha doin', honey? Blogging?" So sweet.
Over the very best burger EVER (Mr. Bartley's in Harvard Square) yesterday, I shared with Teri that I am filled with love for Joe when I watch him explain something to someone. You see, this gentleness comes over him, and he breaks down his knowledge, insight or perspective into small bits and then lovingly feeds them to his listener. His knowledge, his giving of knowledge, is nourishment.
My sister once commented that he is one of those incredibly intelligent persons, who you would never know is so intelligent. It's a complement, really. He is down-to-earth. He has social awareness, as Teri put it. He has a sweet heart, as I put it.
This morning, after coffee and breakfast, we proceeded on separate errands. He to the hectic Babies-R-Us with Amelia for some safety gates, and I to the local Whole Foods for some groceries. "Did you remember to buy water?" he asked me as he entered the kitchen. "Yes, of course." I replied. "You are the best." He responded. I smiled. "No, really, Erin. You are the best." he said again, softly, and looking into my eyes. And my smile got bigger. "Thank you, Joe." It seems the feeling is mutual then.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Yoga & Re-birth
I began my adventure this week with two hot yoga classes; It was my first time back in three years. I remember now why I loved it back then. It is a perfect balance of strength and effort and surrender. The teacher began the first class by asking us to create an intention to hold for the next 75 minutes. I set mine as "kindness". I am competitor, a striver, and, at times, a bull in a china shop. And so my practice was to allow myself to rest or modify when I needed to, and to allow that to be ok. Our teacher reminded us to be grateful to ourselves for showing up, to listen to our bodies, and to give ourselves permission to rest. A novel idea. Giving ourselves permission to rest; to cease striving; to be, without needing to be more, to be further along, to be able to do what s/he is doing. Ahhhhh. How yoga doth teach us...
And, although it's only one week into my challenge, I must admit that I feel a swell of energy and enthusiasm for these next four months. I want to do all of those things, and, if you will notice, there is not a single "resolution" on there, i.e. "eliminate caffeine", "lose 10 pounds", "double my client base". Rather, this is a rebirth of sorts for me. A way to re-engage in my life as a 30-something woman who also happens to be a mama now.
I was pregnant with Amelia for 9 months before she was born. She is now 9 months old. Perhaps I've been pregnant with the next iteration of my life, holding the mystery of how to include it all. It reminds me of the Chinese symbol, the yin and the yang. The birth of Amelia, and the re-birth of her mama.
On the yoga mat, I am reminded that there is a flow and a balance; a time to rest and a time to strive. And to appreciate ourselves for showing up.
And, although it's only one week into my challenge, I must admit that I feel a swell of energy and enthusiasm for these next four months. I want to do all of those things, and, if you will notice, there is not a single "resolution" on there, i.e. "eliminate caffeine", "lose 10 pounds", "double my client base". Rather, this is a rebirth of sorts for me. A way to re-engage in my life as a 30-something woman who also happens to be a mama now.
I was pregnant with Amelia for 9 months before she was born. She is now 9 months old. Perhaps I've been pregnant with the next iteration of my life, holding the mystery of how to include it all. It reminds me of the Chinese symbol, the yin and the yang. The birth of Amelia, and the re-birth of her mama.
On the yoga mat, I am reminded that there is a flow and a balance; a time to rest and a time to strive. And to appreciate ourselves for showing up.
Monday, September 1, 2008
My Personal Adventure Challenge
Adventure - An exciting or very unusual experience; Participation in exciting undertakings; A bold, usually risky undertaking; an undertaking of uncertain outcome.
So, here goes. Let me begin by saying that I accidentally deleted a very lengthy post that took quite a bit of time. Starting over is hard to do, pardon the lyrics. It reminds me that starting over, starting a new chapter, is at the heart of this blog post.
I will also add that, as a coach, I challenge women to 'get out there' and practice showing up in whatever area they want to expand. It is simple, and yet it is rarely easy. We feel comfortable and safe as things are (or so we believe), until we arrive at a place where we simply must risk the unknown, the scary, the stretch; or we catch a delicious glimpse of what could be and we are hungry.
For me, both are true right now. Feeling particularly exhausted this past Saturday afternoon, my husband suggested that I go for a bike ride. I started to make some excuse, and then, within moments, said "yes!" and ran downstairs to dust off my bike, shoes and helmet. It has been two years perhaps since I've been on that bike. I was out the door in a heartbeat, without a clue as to where I was headed, and found myself delighted as I rode through Back Bay, along the Charles River, over the bridge, and back into the charming city we call home. Ooooh. It was exactly what I needed. Fresh air, freedom, adventure, feeling alive.
And so last night, energized after the Red Sox game, but longingly wishing that we had gone without Amelia (I watched one inning of the game), I lay in bed restless. Ideas and desires were racing through my mind. I decided to get up, go downstairs and write them all down. Once they were out of my head, I would be able to rest. And it worked (eventually).
When I woke up this morning, I had a long list of what has now become My 4 month Personal Adventure Challenge. I am sharing it with you as a way to hold myself accountable to following through on it. Each of these challenges is meaningful to me in some way. Let's just say that baking an apple pie from scratch completely intimidates me. I am not one for precision, and so my baking ? often go array. And yet I secretly wonder, "can I do that??" every time I see someone else's apple pie creation.
Its the culmination of these challenges that I believe will propel me in the direction that I intend to go. I chose those that will energize me, delight me, or connect me to sources of nourishment. While some are more playful than others, most seem like a (gulp) big challenge. Taking time for myself in and of itself is a challenge these days with a 9 month old and a relatively new business. And I pulled a muscle just getting onto the soccer field this summer, which was the end of any running attempts.
So, here goes.... (drum roll please...) Remember, the challenge is doing all of this within 4 months, starting now!!!
1. Climb to the top of a local mountain/large 'hill'
2. Travel to Germany.
3. Run a road race.
4. Log 20 hours of hot power yoga.
5. Bake an applie pie from scratch.
6. Row the Charles River.
7. Host a coctail/holiday party.
8. Reunite with a long-lost friend.
9. Attend 3 stimulating events, like book-readings, speaking engagements, etc.
10. Visit 3 museums that will enlighten or entertain me.
11. Make a home-made, meaningful gift for someone special, who will least expect it.
12. Make a bold change to my physical appearance.
13. Cook 25 new, delicious & nourishing recipes (the apple pie counts as one!).
14. Do something to help the local homeless people that I see daily.
15. Get a custom jean fitting in Philadelphia (Charlie's, I believe).
16. Go to a swanky NYC restaurant for coctails.
17. Find a way to help support my presidential candidate's campaign.
18. Surprise Joe. (Shhhh... he's reading this)
19. Plan 5 pampering, indulgent, wonderful experiences for myself.
20. Organize a gourmet picnic.
And here I go...
So, here goes. Let me begin by saying that I accidentally deleted a very lengthy post that took quite a bit of time. Starting over is hard to do, pardon the lyrics. It reminds me that starting over, starting a new chapter, is at the heart of this blog post.
I will also add that, as a coach, I challenge women to 'get out there' and practice showing up in whatever area they want to expand. It is simple, and yet it is rarely easy. We feel comfortable and safe as things are (or so we believe), until we arrive at a place where we simply must risk the unknown, the scary, the stretch; or we catch a delicious glimpse of what could be and we are hungry.
For me, both are true right now. Feeling particularly exhausted this past Saturday afternoon, my husband suggested that I go for a bike ride. I started to make some excuse, and then, within moments, said "yes!" and ran downstairs to dust off my bike, shoes and helmet. It has been two years perhaps since I've been on that bike. I was out the door in a heartbeat, without a clue as to where I was headed, and found myself delighted as I rode through Back Bay, along the Charles River, over the bridge, and back into the charming city we call home. Ooooh. It was exactly what I needed. Fresh air, freedom, adventure, feeling alive.
And so last night, energized after the Red Sox game, but longingly wishing that we had gone without Amelia (I watched one inning of the game), I lay in bed restless. Ideas and desires were racing through my mind. I decided to get up, go downstairs and write them all down. Once they were out of my head, I would be able to rest. And it worked (eventually).
When I woke up this morning, I had a long list of what has now become My 4 month Personal Adventure Challenge. I am sharing it with you as a way to hold myself accountable to following through on it. Each of these challenges is meaningful to me in some way. Let's just say that baking an apple pie from scratch completely intimidates me. I am not one for precision, and so my baking ? often go array. And yet I secretly wonder, "can I do that??" every time I see someone else's apple pie creation.
Its the culmination of these challenges that I believe will propel me in the direction that I intend to go. I chose those that will energize me, delight me, or connect me to sources of nourishment. While some are more playful than others, most seem like a (gulp) big challenge. Taking time for myself in and of itself is a challenge these days with a 9 month old and a relatively new business. And I pulled a muscle just getting onto the soccer field this summer, which was the end of any running attempts.
So, here goes.... (drum roll please...) Remember, the challenge is doing all of this within 4 months, starting now!!!
1. Climb to the top of a local mountain/large 'hill'
2. Travel to Germany.
3. Run a road race.
4. Log 20 hours of hot power yoga.
5. Bake an applie pie from scratch.
6. Row the Charles River.
7. Host a coctail/holiday party.
8. Reunite with a long-lost friend.
9. Attend 3 stimulating events, like book-readings, speaking engagements, etc.
10. Visit 3 museums that will enlighten or entertain me.
11. Make a home-made, meaningful gift for someone special, who will least expect it.
12. Make a bold change to my physical appearance.
13. Cook 25 new, delicious & nourishing recipes (the apple pie counts as one!).
14. Do something to help the local homeless people that I see daily.
15. Get a custom jean fitting in Philadelphia (Charlie's, I believe).
16. Go to a swanky NYC restaurant for coctails.
17. Find a way to help support my presidential candidate's campaign.
18. Surprise Joe. (Shhhh... he's reading this)
19. Plan 5 pampering, indulgent, wonderful experiences for myself.
20. Organize a gourmet picnic.
And here I go...
Friday, August 15, 2008
A Spoonful of Truth
Ok, it's time to get honest with myself here. A year and a half ago, five coaches, including myself, created the "creative coaches alliance" where we meet monthly by phone to discuss hot coaching topics. We met for only the second time in-person on Friday, and only three of us were present. We chit-chatted for a little while, and then my colleague posed the question, "what's next for our group?" That is when my other colleague shared that it was time for her to bow out. Perhaps it was a natural ending for the group anyways. After all, some of us don't show up when we say we will, or cancel last minute, or seem to have too much going on and don't make our gatherings important. She had been scheduling her work around these meetings.
I agreed, and yet I also felt disappointment. My disappointment was with myself. For nearly two years, I have had this group of creative, bright, talented, and interesting women at my ear, if you will. And, yet, I have failed to "show up". I don't mean in the physical sense, though I did miss a few meetings after Amelia's birth. I mean to fully show up and consciously choose and design how to use this resource. I drove home from our meeting with one question on my mind "how else am I not showing up fully?"
Take this blog. I created it one afternoon during Amelia's nap. I put my intention out there that other women will respond, share, connect here, and its been sparse to say the least. Why is that? I'm not sure that I even sent this link to anyone.
Continuing on, my college roommates and I used to joke that we could never throw a party. We would plan for 50 and end up with 15. I remember worrying that my wedding reception room only held 80, and yet we ended up only needing 50 seats. Ok, so it was in Ireland. But still...
What is at the root of this divide between what could be and what is? Commitment. If commitment feels like one of those 'hard, must-do, feels like an obligation' kind-of words, I challenge you to see it otherwise. Commitment is about being in integrity with ourselves. I am speaking about the kind of commitment that stops me from eating the half pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food Lite because I choose to feel great in my body (and not heavy from all of that corn syrup additive junk, even though it tastes good going down), and to save my money for more fulfilling indulgences (like a few days in Germany with my best girlfriends). The kind of commitment that, when it comes to my coaching group, means that I take the time to ask myself, "how can this group serve me? How can I serve this group?", rather than "can they hear me silently chomping on carrots while I chase Amelia around as I balance the phone in the crook of my neck?"
When there is a lack of commitment, I feel caught in the divide. There are often two opposing feelings (i.e. I want to create this blog and I am not sure how much I want to be seen), which creates an inertia. When I connect to the higher purpose, I am much more able to make the commitment and to begin to take steps towards truly manifesting my vision.
Now, in honor of my commitment to create "down time" in my evenings, I sign off! Cheers!
I agreed, and yet I also felt disappointment. My disappointment was with myself. For nearly two years, I have had this group of creative, bright, talented, and interesting women at my ear, if you will. And, yet, I have failed to "show up". I don't mean in the physical sense, though I did miss a few meetings after Amelia's birth. I mean to fully show up and consciously choose and design how to use this resource. I drove home from our meeting with one question on my mind "how else am I not showing up fully?"
Take this blog. I created it one afternoon during Amelia's nap. I put my intention out there that other women will respond, share, connect here, and its been sparse to say the least. Why is that? I'm not sure that I even sent this link to anyone.
Continuing on, my college roommates and I used to joke that we could never throw a party. We would plan for 50 and end up with 15. I remember worrying that my wedding reception room only held 80, and yet we ended up only needing 50 seats. Ok, so it was in Ireland. But still...
What is at the root of this divide between what could be and what is? Commitment. If commitment feels like one of those 'hard, must-do, feels like an obligation' kind-of words, I challenge you to see it otherwise. Commitment is about being in integrity with ourselves. I am speaking about the kind of commitment that stops me from eating the half pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food Lite because I choose to feel great in my body (and not heavy from all of that corn syrup additive junk, even though it tastes good going down), and to save my money for more fulfilling indulgences (like a few days in Germany with my best girlfriends). The kind of commitment that, when it comes to my coaching group, means that I take the time to ask myself, "how can this group serve me? How can I serve this group?", rather than "can they hear me silently chomping on carrots while I chase Amelia around as I balance the phone in the crook of my neck?"
When there is a lack of commitment, I feel caught in the divide. There are often two opposing feelings (i.e. I want to create this blog and I am not sure how much I want to be seen), which creates an inertia. When I connect to the higher purpose, I am much more able to make the commitment and to begin to take steps towards truly manifesting my vision.
Now, in honor of my commitment to create "down time" in my evenings, I sign off! Cheers!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
And Then There's Burnt Fish...
Hours after my last entry, I decided to apply my newly acquired learning on baby nutrition to Amelia's dinner experience. Now, to begin with, she missed her late afternoon nap. That's mama-speak for having cried and played instead of slept. By 4pm, she was antsy and over-tired, and I decided to take her to her favorite park for a little entertainment and distraction. By 5pm, she was down-right grumpy. Still, I was on my mission and pulled out the chicken, brown rice and fresh green beans from the fridge. I toasted, ground and boiled the brown rice; trimmed, boiled and pureed the chicken; and trimmed, steamed and pureed the green beans; all while picking up her dropped toys and biscuit every few minutes and entertaining her with smiles and song. Whew! She was in tears, exhausted, by the time that dinner was ready, though she seemed to love every bite! After bath and nursing, I happily passed her along to my husband, and came down to clean up, prepare our dinner, and relax. I was feeling so proud of my accomplishment (the first "complex" home-made dinner for Amelia, since introducing meat), that I even called my mom to boast about my feat. I then suddenly remembered the salmon and veggies that I had completely forgotten on the stove and in the oven! All of this attention on Amelia's dinner, and I forget to tend to my own dinner. Still, I enjoyed a nice glass of chardonney as I ate my over-cooked dinner, and remembered the two most important components of being a good mama: sleep (this needs its own category) and taking time for myself. Otherwise, forget mission, forget purpose, forget dinner, and forget which keys go with which object (yes, I've stood in front of my house door pressing the unlook car door key)... We are, after all, still human.
Finding Purpose in Mothering
There are days when I feel like its groundhog day ~ all over again. Feed, change diaper, play, coo, put to sleep, clean up, repeat. Even taking Amelia for a walk on those days feels more like a task than a pleasure. These days are often accompanied by daydreams of a bustling office, coffee and brainstorming with like-minded people, and collaboration over exciting projects; All of that would be so much more interesting to share with my husband over dinner than Amelia's bowel movements and play date stories. Sigh.
These are days when I am disconnected from my purpose as a mama. Being on purpose to me means having a mission; A mission that holds the umbrella over all of the other seemingly minute tasks and personally challenging moments. My mission: to consciously and joyfully raising a confident and spirited daughter. The conscious part means paying attention to even the small things, and actively choosing rather than being in default mode (i.e. my mom did it this way, why?) The joyful part is just as it seems. Being joyful when I am with my daughter. Allowing myself the experience of joy, rather than engaging my inner critic who says that I ought to be doing something more meaningful.
Today, I spent the morning in Porter Square Books (the best little local book store in the area!) browsing through books on baby sign language, nutrition and even spanish (ok, I got a bit carried away), as Amelia climbed on shelves and my legs. I thought to myself, "Wow. This is the most important, most challenging, and most exciting job I have ever had! How lucky am I?!" And then I stopped. Where did that thought come from? Yes, I love being Amelia's mama. Let me say that again. I LOVE being Amelia's mama. I just haven't LOVED the repetitious and house-bound, or neighbor-hood-bound, aspect of it all lately. Being a mama tries my patience and I often find myself zoned out in no wo-man's land while Amelia climbs and clatters(is that a word, or did I make that up?). And then I wake-up and realize that its Friday again, and what did I accomplish?
The truth is that I love what I am doing in my life and with my life. And I am not even speaking about the coaching part, which is truly a priviledge. I am speaking about raising a daughter. I am talking about how much I have grown as my husband and I have embraced choices that stretched us as parents, as individuals, and as a couple. This is the biggest challenge of my life - to raise a confident and spirited daughter. It matters. All of it matters.
So, to all of you mama's out there reading this, pop open a bottle of wine and celebrate our courageous and rewarding work!
These are days when I am disconnected from my purpose as a mama. Being on purpose to me means having a mission; A mission that holds the umbrella over all of the other seemingly minute tasks and personally challenging moments. My mission: to consciously and joyfully raising a confident and spirited daughter. The conscious part means paying attention to even the small things, and actively choosing rather than being in default mode (i.e. my mom did it this way, why?) The joyful part is just as it seems. Being joyful when I am with my daughter. Allowing myself the experience of joy, rather than engaging my inner critic who says that I ought to be doing something more meaningful.
Today, I spent the morning in Porter Square Books (the best little local book store in the area!) browsing through books on baby sign language, nutrition and even spanish (ok, I got a bit carried away), as Amelia climbed on shelves and my legs. I thought to myself, "Wow. This is the most important, most challenging, and most exciting job I have ever had! How lucky am I?!" And then I stopped. Where did that thought come from? Yes, I love being Amelia's mama. Let me say that again. I LOVE being Amelia's mama. I just haven't LOVED the repetitious and house-bound, or neighbor-hood-bound, aspect of it all lately. Being a mama tries my patience and I often find myself zoned out in no wo-man's land while Amelia climbs and clatters(is that a word, or did I make that up?). And then I wake-up and realize that its Friday again, and what did I accomplish?
The truth is that I love what I am doing in my life and with my life. And I am not even speaking about the coaching part, which is truly a priviledge. I am speaking about raising a daughter. I am talking about how much I have grown as my husband and I have embraced choices that stretched us as parents, as individuals, and as a couple. This is the biggest challenge of my life - to raise a confident and spirited daughter. It matters. All of it matters.
So, to all of you mama's out there reading this, pop open a bottle of wine and celebrate our courageous and rewarding work!
Monday, July 7, 2008
She's Come Undone
When was the last time that you completely gave yourself over to your wildest whim? Oh, am I craving that kind of experience. Complete, utter joy. The kind of joy that I experienced today as I watched a little girl run through park sprinklers weating a beautiful, even fancy, white dress. She looked dressed for church, or a party, and yet here she was wildly and joyfully running through these sprinklers. I sat there in awe as her father allowed her this unplanned, inconvenient (there was no towel or change of clothing in site), and completely 'in the moment' experience.
I considered joining in with Amelia, but I, too, had on white clothing. My modest, guarded side got the best of me.
So, I owe myself an adventure of "coming undone". I know just the person with whom to give it go. Kate, if you are reading this, I can not wait for your visit!
I considered joining in with Amelia, but I, too, had on white clothing. My modest, guarded side got the best of me.
So, I owe myself an adventure of "coming undone". I know just the person with whom to give it go. Kate, if you are reading this, I can not wait for your visit!
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