Birth Day

A year ago, at this very moment, I lay in Cambridge Hospital, with Amelia newly born on my chest. It was not the birth that I had imagined. And, yet, it was beautiful. I had birthed at home for the majority of her birthing process. My water broke on Sunday, and she arrived on Thursday morning. There were birthing candles, music, birth tub, loving midwives, prayer shawl... and, eventually, I moved from my home to the hospital, where another caring midwife met us.
When Amelia was finally born, the OB on call came into my room to say congratulations, and that she was happy that I had proven her wrong. She wanted to c-section Amelia from the second we arrived. After all, I had been in labor for days, she said. I was tired. Yes, I was tired. Indeed. And yet, we were not finished, Amelia and I. She was on her way, and I needed to give her the space, the time, to arrive without intervention, without force, without alarm.
When she did arrive, Joe and I held her, and did not let her go. She never left our arms, except to be wheeled to our room, by us. We kept looking at each other and saying, "can you believe that she is our daughter???" And then we took her home. Without proper dismissal, or more accurately, with proper dismissal after saying we were leaving anyways. She was to be born at home, and so home we were to go. She was healthy, I was well.
And so it has been since then. We still look at each other with amazement that we were blessed with such a spirited girl. We still create visions and intentions, only to discover that it rarely works out exactly as planned. And, yet, it is still beautiful. Motherhood, marriage, family, celebrations, life. Its all a mix, isn't it?
I had an intention to create a video of her birth to the song that will forever remind me of her birth. I would weep to this song in the final days of my pregnancy. I never did get around to that video, mostly because her birth turned out differently.
But never say never... and so here it is. Reflections on the first year of Amelia Eve's life.
Happy birthday, baby girl. You amaze me. I am very proud to be your Mama.