The Power of Focus

What we focus on grows in energy.

This past week, I had a heart-to-heart with my husband. Actually, it was a conversation that we had over a valentines day dinner. (I guess that is fitting.) I am committed to shifting more time and attention to my coaching practice, and need my husband's support. I simply can not keep up with the housework and child care if I am to also tend to growing my practice. As I told him, something has to give, and it is through coaching that I feel most inspired and energized. He is the most important part of the equation to helping me make that shift.
The next morning, I went out to the store and returned home to my husband cleaning the floors with the windows open, music on, and a pleased look on his face. The house was imaculate. He had even set up my mugs and tea for a coaching workshop later at our house. I said something to the chime of: "Wow! Not only am I so appreciative, but you have never been so attractive! That is so sweet!" You should have seen how pleased he was now.
The next day, he stepped it up again. He kept encouraging me to sit down and focus on my coaching business. He will do the dishes, make dinner, clean up, put Amelia down. Again, I told him how much I appreciated this - how much his help would propel me forward.
This has kept up for three more days. He adjusted his schedule to leave for work 20 minutes later this week so that he can feed Amelia breakfast, make me coffee and let me sleep in a bit more. When he has returned home from work, he actually picks up whatever is on the floor, does a couple of house chores and washes any dishes in the sink before hopping on the couch!
Last night, we talked about the impact that this has made on me, on us. I told him that I can truly see how what goes around comes around. His generosity around the house makes me feel much more forgiving of other little annoyances that I otherwise may have focused on until they loomed larger. And he shared that it feels really good to help out and, unlike before, it feels like "no big deal."
The more I tell him how awesome he is, the more that he seems motivated to keep going. Now, I know that this is likely not going to last forever, or rather that there will be ebbs and flows in his initiative around the house. And, I know that I can largely influence this by focusing on his desire to help out. I can see how it motivates him to do more.
It is no surprise that this has been a very abundant week for me with my coaching practice. I am not only on a roll, but the universe seems to be aligning to bring new and previous clients in my direction!
Dr. John Gottman is a 'relationship expert' who claims that relationships that last have a 5:1 positive to negative interaction ratio. In other words, to make a marriage truly work and last, positive, reinforcing behaviors must outnumber negative ones five to one. Here's the thing: it only takes one partner in a relationship to change the dynamic. As emotions are contagious, so are behaviors of love, generosity and an overall sense of good will.
Gratefully, my husband is the one who made this shift for us.
Can you relate to this? I challenge you to give this a try! Take one day and authentically praise or love your partner; Let him (or her) know how much you love and appreciate him. If this is not a usual behavior of yours, s/he may be skeptical or uncomfortable. That's ok. Do it anyways and see what happens. Enjoy.